I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This is my gift to your gina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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