i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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