do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
