just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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