I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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