he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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