I just cut my nipple shaving
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
