she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
