i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
