his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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