he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
