my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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