So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
