I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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