How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
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Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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