two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
