You work out of a Hotel?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
