I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
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definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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