FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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