So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
