I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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