I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
