She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
