Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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