After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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