I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
