You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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