I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize