I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
