Got a toothbrush?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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