great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Only a mothe r could love this liver
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
