you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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