Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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