We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
