I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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