you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
