I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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