This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
