New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
