I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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