You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
