Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
