You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
