If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Everclear isn't food dammit
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
