Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
