called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
