and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
