yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
