I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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