Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
