i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
