need another drink. this is the easiest way
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
