I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
