Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
