he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
