How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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