can u get pink eye on your cock?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
