but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
