Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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