youre lurking in front of me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
