So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
