So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
