No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize