btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
